So apparently my literal worst nightmare has actually come to life here in the beautiful city of St. Louis. Clowning. Scary “Clowning”. The movie “It” in real life form. Someone please end my life right now. Why. why. why. why. I’d absolutely crap myself if I came into contact with any of these emotionally screwed bozos. […]

It’s the first day of fall here in the confused state of Missouri and I am legit sweating through my clothing (what else is new) as I was a little aggressive getting dressed in my fall gear (aka jeans and a longer shirt to replace my usual short sleeve) in hopes that the weather man (who […]

There should be a world record for sprouting a good 50 gray hairs and 2 forehead wrinkles in under 48 hours. And if there isn’t a category for rapid aging in the Guiness Book then there should be, and I officially declare myself as the winner for this unfortunate occurrence.  (for those of you who follow […]

Guyyyyyyys I’m freaking out because I am going to see Chris Stapleton tonight and I literally can’t stop eating my feelings. apparently I eat all of my emotions, every single one. And I especially make sure I have a ton of emotions flowing when I make things like, well, this puff pastry pizza. Chris, if […]

I am currently sitting on 28,567 e-mails in my inbox. I’m either absurdly popular or have a problem with signing up for crappy subscriptions that I once planned on opening and literally have never even touched. Unfortunately it is the latter and am wanting to gouge my eyes out every time I look at my […]

If you get into a slap fight with a wasp, chances are you’ll probably lose. Common knowledge, right? Apparently a little too common for my pea sized cranium. He was an angry elf. This clip basically sums up my encounter with any flying stinging insect (except I’d be Buddy, and the stinging prey would be Miles. AAAAAnd […]

  Currently experiencing Monday Morning anxiety #thestruggleisreal. Or more like, #iputwaytoomuchsugarinmycoffeeandicantstopshaking Now picturing how in seven years there is a very strong chance my life synopsis will be comparable to Matt Foley’s, however praying that the van at the very least is an airstream.  Thank you Mondays, for bringing out my inner negativity and making me look […]

GUYS ITS FINALLY BASEBALL SEASON! And I literally couldn’t care less. Well, I couldn’t have cared less until I moved to St. Louis. You basically have to root for the Cardinals in order to be socially accepted into any circle. Granted my circle might just be me and my son, however, I’m pretty sure he […]