So I guess I lied when I said I’d be keeping up with le posts (for now).
why is everything so difficult.
you know what i think it is? i think it’s aging.
yup, you heard me. as i’ve entered my thirties i have begun to prioritize a little bit differently. i’ve also managed to keep a full time job that i love where i am surrounded by some pretty cool creatives (they really are ALL incredibly inspiring, i kid you not. and I am not saying this to blow smoke, that’s totally unnecessary… please, if you’d like to be jealous of where i work as well as get your socks blown off by beautiful photos/motion/editing/retouching/producing/did i love anyone else out? go to : www.brutonstroube.com)
anyways. there’s the job. and then there’s the side jobs that go with the full time job. I get to take pictures of some local food magazines as well as some brands that I partner with.
and then there is me trying to make a house a home, and let me tell you something (and paul if you’re reading, this is me admitting to everything you’ve already mentioned… yes i do listen) .. i cannot stay focused on one singular project. in fact i have like fifteen unfinished partly painted projects going on at once. the kind of anxiety i create for my own self is absolutely unreal. i don’t understand it.
and then, most importantly, there is this thing called life. i’ve got the baby child who is a precious little turd (i say this because.. if you have a four year old, most likely they are a turd, but the sweetest turd ever). i also have a partner who is also a precious big turd. and then i decided to go and purchase a dog that’s the biggest turd of them all (actually he might be the easiest one)….. apparently, i breed and attract turds. But the good kind.
(i feel like maybe i lost you with the poop bit? because i sort of lost myself but then tried to run with it… and then my stubborn self now can’t seem to erase any of it… )
i’ve been focusing on photography at home but without writing down the actual recipes of my creations. which is super frustrating. i should be better about this, i ONCE was better about this. But i work a lot and then by the time i’m done, I’ve got a hungry family and i’m beat and come three days later i realize i never wrote anything down. and i feel like i can’t just post a picture of a food image without giving you some sort of guide of the ingredients/ cooking method. (this is where my perfectionist side comes out, though i never really thought i’d label myself as one, but i think as i’ve gotten older i’ve gotten a little more particular).
and then there is the obvious stress of: am i a good mom? am i giving enough of my time to a child i only get to see 50 percent of the year? am i giving enough to my partner? am i too much of a workaholic? do i not work enough? am i settling for comfort (work wise)? or am i still trying to reach the goals i have set for myself? am i behind? should i stop? is this for nothing? is this everything?
yes. these are my everyday thoughts. i am a wee bit of an over-analyzer which can be a blessing and a major curse. and i’ve unfortunately, in recent months, made this platform less of priority (whereas, 8 months ago i was waking up at 4:30 every morning to write or take pictures and now I’m down to once every couple weeks).
But i know this isn’t the end all. I’m always going to post. And i’m eventually going to be posting more. And it will be AWESOME. or it will be totally poo. But i mean, beautiful disasters are around for a reason. SO let’s just shoot for that and call it a day.