When someone asks me to go on an impromptu swimsuit shopping trip with them:
Don’t ever ask me that. Seriously. Don’t. Or if you plan on it at least ask me a week in advanced so
a) I can work on eating air.
b) I can prepare to shave my legs because, well, winter = pants only = zero maintenance = 5 new razor heads needed for one shower period
c) I can spray tan on some abs & calves.
d) I can expose myself to a virus 4 days ahead so come D-Day I can cancel the whole death by shopping experience and feel zero guilt while having fresh legs and a skin color that is similar to an oompa-loompas.
Dramatic? No. I’m not. Plus. Store lighting is the worst. And I’m pretty sure all stores out there use the same lighting, flouresucks. And then you realize you simply can’t go to the pool naked or dressed in a full on wet suit (because, Missouri) so you are forced to buy an over priced piece of public lingerie and leave the store feeling horrible and poor.
Always look on the bright side of life? Said the most annoying human being ever.
The longer you marinate, the better. So if you can prep this the day before (the marinating) DO it. And while you are at it you might as well pickle the vegetables the night before as well. Hell, why don’t you even just bake yoself a batch of cookies for being so damn productive.
Oyster anddddd fish sauce? Yeahhhh. Because they’re worth it. But for real. I mean, I’m not telling you to spoon feed yourself the damn crap out of the bottle. Don’t do that, gross. But they both are key ingredients for making the pork oh so tasty. Trust. Obey. Do it. And if you only have oyster sauce? Use soy sauce in replacement of the fish (bc it’s super salty). Or you can’t even begin to think about purchasing oyster sauce? Use black tar instead. Kidding (it just looks like it). Use brown sugar. Or honey. Something sweet. Again, these are for sure different flavored replacements, but they at least are on the same track of sweet vs salty.
And for those of you who just can’t handle the jalapeño heat (but really are missing out, wussies) go ahead and pickle them as well (separately from the carrot/shallot mix or else you’ll be left with spice all over the place). Just reserve about 1/4 cup of the pickling juice for the jalapeños.
Also. The thought of not making this as a traditional sandwich makes you want to write me a nasty e-mail? Don’t you worry. Check out the recipe that I have here (also recipe notes are basically the same, because plagiarism isn’t a thing when you copy/paste your own writing).
Add a comment