Holy cheese & rice. I decided to wear shorts today (75 degrees is definitely the new 90) and I am pretty sure I am still blind in my left eye due to alabaster leg pigment (apparently my right eye was suiting an eye patch at the time of exposure).  Move over Sean Patrick Flannery, this girl […]

  Monday, bloody Monday. I actually really have no business for pooping on this day of the week, being that I technically have no job or office to walk into come Monday morning, yet I still manage to experience serious FOMO every time I hop on to social media and read about how someone would rather be […]

I’m going to make this a quick post, just like the recipe. Super easy, no bush. It’s been a long day. I’m tired. I want everything sweet as well as an IV drip filled with moonshine. Recently I’ve been trying reallllllllyyy hard to use up all of the produce & dairy that legit has been […]

  Valentines day. While people profess their undying love to one another, us singletons are reminded that we are still single and are on the road to having extreme liver failure or type 2 diabetes with the amount of sweets and alcohol we must inhale consume  to make ourselves feel momentarily better for 24ish hours.  Or maybe […]

  Today while at the gym I managed to belly flop the floor in a wild and crazy attempt to do a burpee. Like. Are you kidding me? It was almost expected as 99 percent of new things that I attempt – especially when it comes to anything athletic – always end up backfiring. But […]

This winter weather is really starting to piss me off. Honestly? I find it comparable to sharting.  But seriously. I know that is just such a horrifying term but this weather is such a teaser. It’s like it wants to snow, but then it doesn’t quite really want to, so instead it just gives you a […]

    Jicama, NOT pronounced “Ja-Caaama”. Which I totally butchered in the grocery store, how embarrassing. I had a good feeling my pronunciation was way off when the man behind me at check out was smirking. Thanks a-hole. At least help a brother out and correct me so I don’t sound like a clueless nerd-bomber who lives in […]

If I was told that the only food that I could have for the rest of my life was butter chicken? I’d die a happy (and probably smelly) death. Seriously. The entire time I was making this my son kept saying “pee-ew”. Sadly he also seems to use that phrase whenever he sees me changing.  Not […]